Texas' Three Ring Circus

There are some people that you have in your life that you feel know you better than anyone else. Those people who went through childhood or adolence with you and know you to the core. They were there when you became the person you are and no matter how many changes you go through they still know YOU at the heart. Or so I thought. One of my closest friends from high school was this person for me. She and I have kept up over the years. Every few weeks we would talk about what was going on in the other one's world.

We have both done seperate things with our lives. She went off to college in Corpus Christi and met a man that she lived with and jst got engaged to. She is just now planning her wedding in September and has graduated college with her bachelors. She is living near Dallas with his family and working in Human Resources. While I got pregnant right out of highschool and have three kids and am married. I just bought my first home and although I am not on the career path that I would have liked yet I am getting there.

I thought that all of these things were just trappings though. I thought that when it came down to it we still cared and loved one another just as we had years ago. For the last few years I guess I have blinded myself though. She comes into the area quite often to visit her family and drives right past my house when she does. Yet I have seen her 5 times in six years, one of those being my own wedding. I haven't gone to Dallas, because I have no reason to, but if I were to go I would call her.

She never let me know when she was in town either so that we could hook up for a quick lunch or go get a drink or just hang out at the house and catch up a little. She wasn't the one to call me, but rather I was the one to call her.

Honestly, I was probably holding on to this too hard because I have very few friends that I trust the way that I trusted her. It is not easy for me to connect with people and I lose touch very easy. So, in hindsight I feel like the biggest fool for attempting to maintain a friendship that she was not interested in anymore.

She was the biggest shit about breaking this to me too. A few months ago I sent her a message letting her know, "hey, no pressure, and I don't expect anything but I just wanted to know if I am bridesmaid so that I can start saving money and seeing if there is anything I should be doing to help you out". She responded with "OF COURSE YOUR A BRIDESMAID.....yadda yaddda wedding details and junk" Right??

Then I get a message yesterday saying that she had changed her mind and she didn't want me as a bridesmaid but wanted me to greet guests and pour champagne, etc. She said she needed a people person for this and PLEASE would I do it. Oh yeah, and don't be pissed.

WHAT?!!? Ok. She's my best friend. (Obviously, I'm not hers.) She doesn't want me to be her matron of honor. She doesn't even want me to be a bridesmaid. She wants to give me pity job so that I won't feel bad that she changed her mind and "no longer feels a connection with me".

"Ummm.. yeah. No thanks. You can take that offer and shove it. I don't need to be your friend. You don't have the balls to say your done then I do." was the summary of my response.

She comes back with she wants me at the wedding but wants people she has a REAL connection to in it.

I don't even want to go to this wedding now. I would have to park my ass in a pew and watch her get married with all of our mutual friends beside her EXCEPT me. Knowing that I was a part of that and because I have kids and a family and she decided to move to Dallas that I am not anymore.

Well thank you so much for the emotional beating but you can keep it.

I don't want to see her anymore. This feels like a relationship break up. I mean. I'm bisexual but I never felt that way about her and yet a relationship of 10 years is just going down the tubes.

At this point I am still really hurt by her actions. Why couldn't she just say that she felt this way? I feel humiliated that I have been "Chasing" her for the last few years. Like a puppy begging for any crumb of affection.

So yeah, she got a eff off letter and I'll just close that little chapter in my life with another lesson learned. Just another wall built around my heart. Someone else I trusted who let me down. Just goes to show that you can't really trust anyone completely. Rely on thyself.

© 2006 CM

Posted by Drama Mama on Wednesday, April 19, 2006 at 11:53 AM | Permalink